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09:59pm 06/10/2005


Is this community dead?? Um, anyway, i've got a poem i'd like to post...it's not that great, it still needs some work, i'd just like to know your first thoughts.


The most beautiful woman i've ever seen
The happiest moments of my life that ever could have been
The sparkling, crystal eyes
The sad, lonely sighs

She could never love me
Her and me, we'll never be
Her soul belongs to another
She's committed, as a wife...
As the perfect mother


um, so yeah, i guess i'd like to know what you think of it...
04:36pm 18/10/2004
mood: creative

Hey I'm new to the community and I would like to share a story with you all.

This is my first attempt at writing erotica and I would appreciate feedback, good or bad. 

Last SaturdayCollapse )

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I just wrote this. Gotta love being angry. 
10:18pm 10/03/2004
  Seething... fucking seething.
Falling apart... fucking breaking.

Calling... I am going to fucking call you.
And fuck your brains out.

Seething... fucking seething.

Not your type... not your fucking type.
Too fucking feminist. Too fucking mysogynist. Too fucking stupid. Too fucking... just. Nevermind.

Swallow your pride.

Not really all that coherent, sorry about that. Like I said, I am angry.
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There's too much debating in life. Such a waste. We're running out of time. 
06:22pm 04/01/2004
mood: cynical
Speed, rush, frozen time shattered.Waking moment, mechanical membrane. Penance for seconds past. Rapid and swollen, your body aches. Faster and faster, uncontrollable shakes. Tinge of fear, adrenline evades, somewhere inside, hope elates. Running, choking, too quick to stumble, too menacing to die. Intensity, dramitc pulse, muscles tense, no time for a sixth sense. Growing desire for a conclusion. Almost there...almost...
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06:37pm 03/01/2004
mood: weird
The wind outside my window
Creeps in through cracks in the seal
And the rain keeps on falling down
Slipping through the holes

I try to think of a reason to move
But, for once no thoughts come to mind
And I’m left to wonder if it’s just me
Or if we all feel this way, some days

Lately it seems that things are ceasing their constant change
Every sky seems gray and every heart seems to be broken
And as I sink into my bed, I must wonder about it all
Why do we do these things to ourselves
Do we love the pain or is it something so much more complex
All I know is that we continue to fool ourselves
In the name of some sort of foolish dreams

To those I meet on the street
I’m a foolish whore
And to those who know me best
I’m an educated slut

My mother says I should pray to a nonexistent god
While my father shows me what it means to be a sadistic-fucking-whore
And at the end of the day, my girlfriend doesn’t even exist

Tonight will be the night for similarity
Nothing will have changed
The whores are still fucking
And Goths are still brooding

Now as you go to sleep tonight
Don’t forget your sanity and crucifixes
For tomorrow may bring changes
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Here's an old one...my ode to dahmer 
07:08pm 17/12/2003
mood: contemplative
Underneath the skin
within these walls.....you crawl
beneath my nails....your lingering scent
under the skin....i feel you.........this need to taste it all

see my reflection within the pools of blood
this satisfaction on my face
dragged across the floor
red lights and faded water stains
too bad the dead don't beg for more
all i really wanted.......was for you to feel a little pain
have something inside you bleed for me
this need has now consumed me....with no remorse i'm left here drained
i will carve it out.......all that pretty inside
i will pull at it.........all the ugly that you hide
make it hurt.........slide my fingers inside
at my submission..........intimacy blind

allieviate this comsumption........arroused by your suffering
elivate your fear........accept your place in nothing
my ease.........getting off i like to tease
something dark in me.......just want to see it pleased

caustic hatred-i despise you........pour this in i love you
hearing screams within this laughter....
held back the rage for far too long...
hearing hopeless pleas of a dying nothing...
pushing tears to a stillborn song...
resting on your velvet.......take the soft breath from within
descending........falling (please make this stop)
i just cant help myself.........can't stop myself.... this craving never ends
Digital Geists 
01:57am 08/12/2003
mood: lethargic
Reinventing suicide we march to a digital dirge
Indifferent pain
but it feels the same
reinventing a way to release this sorrow
A perfect colony hoping for no tomorrow
So much has gone wrong
Its raining decadence
Unlucky death is a coincidence
No accidents in this cyber world of nothingness
Nothing but these surreal chains binding us
Free spirits are unwelcomed in this perfect reality
Drowning in nightmare sweat
Dying for a fantasy
We are the children of the network
Let us die in false ecstasy
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09:20pm 07/12/2003
  Your heart cries blood
And my words profess
Bloody scars
Will cause your unrest
Your future lies in ruins
Her bloody carcass lies a mess
Your heart bleeds turpentine
A Bloody truth
Choke on your blood and swallow your pride
Forever buying your alibi
Disect your bones Disect your lies
Your bloody carcass twisted
Into a new position
Forget your past
Inside me is where you belong
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Mz. Desirable 
07:11pm 24/11/2003
mood: weird
My .38 yearning for your tender kiss.
Your eyes melt.
Droplettes of suffering slide down your flesh,
Beckoning me for mercy.
I show them none.
One pull and you slip,
fading away to the unknown.
Your body,
Once my temple
Once my altar of intrepid desire
Your body,
Now a grotesque display
My true affection for your comrades to see.
Smoke rises from your splintered face
You lay there,
A sick angle,
Strung out in your own crimson misery.
You shouldn't of done that
You should have been there for me
Now those lush lips are shattered
No one will ever kiss
Only worms will make the offer
Your putrid soul
No one will ever miss
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More poetry from that thing known as my "brain". 
11:24pm 23/11/2003
  falling underwater to my
solitaire place
sucking in the blue fluid
my lungs begin to expand
every emotion i feel
making me suck in more...
Away i go.

And..That's probably all i have for tonight.
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Random blabberings of the unrestful. 
06:44pm 23/11/2003
  resist what was once loved
fall away from said sky
illusionary bracket of godless treasures
minus fear and love

Tyranny of mass hysteria
blatant excuse for one to break moral value..
lifeless corpse zombie like state
chewing on others opinions and thoughts

Yep..Random blabbering and other odd things, Maybe someone will enjoy it..If not, Ah well.
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Promises you make back home... 
06:20am 22/11/2003
mood: confused
Yeah, I have no fucking idea where this one came from because, I'm not really all that angry or anything, but it turned out kind of interesting.

Unfaithful Slut
Tear drops smear fresh ink
As I write this letter to you
A letter that will explain just how I feel
And just what I intend to do

You and I were so in love
Pet names, make-out sessions, and roses
Yeah we had it all
Oh yeah

Now you might not know this
But, remember the night you fucked that other guy
Yeah, I know all about it
‘Cause I watched from the bedroom doorway

Now you pretend to be ever so confused
About how I could ever be angry at your pretty; little self
Ha. I can’t believe I could have been such a fool
A fool to think that you could be true

And as write these smeared words
You should know that this is good-bye
And I don’t really care what happens to you anymore
Oh no, I don’t fucking care

You were an angel when we met
Now you’re an unfaithful slut as I say my good-bye
I hope you come to understand this pain someday
Someday, when it happens to you

Now, I don’t want you to cry as you leave
And I could care less about apologies
‘Cause I’ve heard them all before
No, don’t say you love me
Both you and I know that it’s a lie now
As it always was before

(Unfaithful slut)
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06:06pm 21/11/2003
  I changed the background. Let me know if you like. Anyone have any suggestion on an icon we can use? It makes me sad that is community isn't doing better. Perhaps if we make it more attractive it will become a tad bit more vivacious. Maybe...

Anyways, let me know what you think...

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None of you will speak, but I know you're there... 
05:46pm 21/11/2003
mood: bored
Here's a goofy piece I wrote about my old job which was a mental health insurance company:


Clinical Status
Filing away all the madness
Storing pain and chemical inbalances
Thoughts and threats proloined on paper
Destructive infedility
Creditional claims
All in a department of coperate slaves
You sign it all away
Its not your soul
It might as well be
In here,
Its for us to see
Bottles of placebos
Help will be granted
The cost will grow
Splintering personality
Further and further from reality
We profit from your disorders
You can ask why
We'll shrug our shoulders
To us,
You are a referral number
A series of digits within a mass
It doesn't matter at all
Not to us
Not even now
We hope you enjoyed your stay
We know we weren't much of a help
You can call and complain
Or write us a message
Or we'll figure it out when your disorder is splattered against the wall
But don't you worry
There are departments to wipe it all away
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Show me what it means to me, in this world... 
12:25am 21/11/2003
mood: creative
Hey, it's me again. I just wrote another one, but this one's a bit different. I have had a crush on Allyson Hannigan, for a little while and just for fun, I thought it would be interesting to write a poem/song about it. It's not 100% serious and it's ment to be a 'good-times' song, but anyways, I'll just let you read it. Also, please not, that this is not any type of stalker antham or anything, it's just a song about how I'm attrached to Allyson Hannigan and it's just a fun poem/song.
Oh Allyson, oh Allyson
You’re the goddess on my television screen
And I can’t help, but love you
So this is for you…

Every night, there is no question of where I will be found
I’ll be right here in front of my television
Watching Allyson Hannigan on Buffy
And wishing she would feel the way I do

Beautiful red hair and the cutest smile
A look of temptation in her eyes
Is it any wonder
That I’ve fallen for the goddess on my television screen

Oh, Allyson won’t hear my cries of love
Won’t you come and hold in that embrace
We could be so happy, if I could just look into your eyes all day
Everything would be so nice, if I could feel your lips against mine
Oh, Allyson

All my friends think that I’m wasting my life
And my family thinks I need some help
But, I know that they just don’t understand
They’ve never seen the way you smile
They’ve never seen the way you look by the light of the moon
No, they’d never understand
My obsession with the goddess on my television screen
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I know this for sure, I'm walking out that door again... 
12:08am 21/11/2003
mood: creative
Another poem/song I wrote today, I'm on a roll.

Come On Baby
Last night we were making out
And you said that it just didn’t feel right
Threw me out of the house
And said don’t come back

So now I sit around at home
Staring at the phone and listening to the radio
Hoping that you just might call
And say that it was just a mistake
That we belong together and will always be

Oh, I don’t understand what could have gone wrong
Was it something that I said, or left unsaid
Did I not tell you that I loved you enough
Was my embrace no longer warm
Oh, please tell me what went wrong

It’s been three long weeks now
And everywhere I look I can still you
I can still feel your lips against mine
And I think I’m starting to hear voices

Oh baby, it’s been so long since I’ve seen your pretty face
Won’t you come by my place tonight
If nothing else, we can talk about what I did wrong
And I don’t deserve you
‘Cause we both know it’s true
And I’d do anything just to listen to your heavenly voice

Come on baby, call me
Come on baby, abuse me
Come on baby, fuck me
Come on baby, come on
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Oh, she's so lovely and such a fucking shame... 
10:23pm 20/11/2003
mood: creative
This a poem/semi-song I wrote today about a girl that I see every Wed. and I thought it's actually kind of good so, I thought I'd see what everyone else thinks about it and hopefully it will give the community another little kick in the ass.

(I Hope She’ll Always Be) My Girl In the Hallway
I was standing in the hallway the other day
Leaning against the wall, reading some philosophy
I stopped a moment to take a look around
And that’s when I saw her
Yeah, my girl in the hallway

She had the most beautiful smile
And it makes me weak in the knees
Just to think about the way she moved
And the way she sad hello
Oh yeah, she’s my girl in the hallway

Every Wednesday I stand and wait for her
And each time I promise to throw caution into the wind
But, then I see her and she says “Hi”
And I lose all my nerve

And each night, I’ll dream of a future of possibilities
Days when I’ll hold your hand
Nights when we’ll make out
Or the way I’ll blush when I say I love you

But, for now that will all just be a fantasy
And I’ll still stumble when I try to be so fucking cool
But, I hope that she’ll never forget to smile
Oh, I hope she never stops being my girl in the hallway
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Since I'm not dead it ain't over yet 
06:57pm 17/11/2003
mood: cold
I've been neglecting my communities lately and I feel kinda bad. Here's two recent(possibly unfinished) pieces:


Mimicing affection
Settle for infection
Destructive lust and a new breed of sin
Flesh against flesh
Liquids burn fresh
Reffering moments of diseased
Lies for second favors
Single serving lover
Botched, a facade of us tomorrow
A flame but fruitless
Desires running down thighs
Subtle discretion
Keeping silent,ashamed of definition
Insecurity-the causing factor.


You kiss me
I pull away
Kissing you-My beautiful reflection
Your flaws are my scars
My tears are your stories
Your lies-My atrocities
You discover wrath
Just as envy finds its way in me
Hopelessness augments
I am trapped in your inperfection
Your disapointment breeds
But you're too proud
No acception of fallicy
You will never admit
You could never be wrong
Call this destiny
Point out its fate
We're the same-a fantastic mistake
I have you to blame
You have me to regret
Curiousity in a certainty guise
This great break
Splinting us in the middle
You'll be forced to watch me bleed
I will be forced to watch you die
No one could ever take my place
No one could ever take yours
No matter how hard we try tearing each other apart
We will always be the same

Written by Lexx Wilson
some writing links 
11:11am 11/11/2003
  I setup this community as I love to read what people think the future holds for human kind. Do you think we will destroy ourselves? Raise our level of thinking and compassion to a point where we all get along and enforce our righteous ways to all galaxies using nuclear weapon powerd robots? Just be creative. I like 'future art' as well. .like on the back of "Wired" magazine it shows a picture of a 'future appliance' or something like that. Also maybe people can write about how our lives will be different in the future in terms of society, community and goverment.

I setup this journal just as a way of seeing what is important. You write what you would miss when you are gone.

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Another little poem/song... 
06:18pm 19/10/2003
mood: scared
Artificially Breathing by William Smalley (written on October 19, 2003)
My heart has stopped beating naturally
My mind is no longer filled with thoughts
Artificial breaths fill my lungs
The only sound around me, is the hum of machines

The doctor sworn to do no harm
The religious right denying me my rights
My family watching over me with concern
Why won’t you let me fucking die

I’m no longer breathing
There is no reason to keep my body here
Remove me from these infernal machines
And let me rest in the cold dirt

My body is useless to me now
I don’t won’t to continue on
Please pull the plug
Please let me die